Showing posts with label Reflection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflection. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

A Break



Maybe I need a break
Maybe I need a stop
or Maybe I dont need anything

But things for sure that my heart my mind and my soul are not in a great condition. Ga tau karena pandemi atau karena bottled up emotions yang jadi meleber kemana2 selama pandemi ini. Rasanya lelaaaah sekali. Rasanya apa yang selama ini dilakuin ga cukup baik. Ga cukup baik sampai2 mengorbankan diri sendiri. Many times I put myself last dan mentingin orang lain. To make sure the progress well. Tapi niat baik kita belum tentu selalu diterima dengan baik, bisa jadi malah jadi mengekang. Ini aku yang ga bersyukur atau memang ini jalan hidup yang dipilih buat aku. Apapun itu, I feel disconnected. With the world. With the environment. With the family. With my kids. With my husband. No matter how many kdrama I watched as a me time didnt even able to put me at ease.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Do I Lose Myself in Motherhood?






The answer is I don’t know. Maybe. I think many moms lose themselves in motherhood. Maybe I am one of them because I am slowly fading away from myself and my interest and my passion without even realizing that it is happening. I starting to realize just now but really maybe I am just a lazy person that use taking care of my kid as an excuse not to do more or at the end of the day it’s just exhausting to have what’s left of my energy to do what I like and opt for sleep, I don’t know. 


Motherhood is one long and tiring journey of changing diapers, feeding, and breastfeeding and on and on and on. I’ve just finished self-weaned my kid at 30 months and on the way to toilet training and separate sleeping. People would ask me why I haven’t toilet train my kid and the answer would be because I was lazy, I want the easy way of not having to wait my kid sit on the toilet or simply I don’t want to mop if he peed on the floor. Or why decide to separate sleeping so early because I want my bed back and my beauty sleep back. Motherhood means a lot of future homework. I overwhelmed.


When I was single or in my early years of marriage I used to love reading, listening music, writing my thoughts on my blog, writing poems and walking but simple things like that was a hard bargain to do anymore. Through the first and second years after my kid was born I was able to read books, lots of it, but in doing so I have to sacrifice my already limited-to sleep to nearly hanging by a thread. If I was reading a book I’d likely only sleep for 2 to 3 hours a day and it’ll run till the book finished and I have a habit to hardly put a book down once I read it. So they are days where I barely sleep and it affect my health, I was easily have asthma attack and skin allergic. Now, it’s been months since I enjoy reading. I’d like to write lots of things but in the end it’ll just end up in draft because I was suddenly blank or interrupted by the kid and those thoughts just fly by and never came back. And I haven’t walk in ages. 


Things I usually do slowly just nowhere in my agenda anymore. I love my kid and won’t trade anything with him but sometimes a really quality time with myself is just what I need. To me a mother is the world of the family and I believe a happy mother make a happy kid and husband thus a happy family. It’s important for a mother to be happy for what and where she is right now. 


Here’s ways I am gonna do to say Hi to myself again:


1.    Start to put myself in a daily and weekly agenda that will allow me to have some alone time
If I can make a daily time table for my kid to do surely I should be able to make one for me. Try to squeeze in an alone time for myself and make a quiet time for my kid so that he can play or read by himself. 

2.       Be Grateful
I gotta admit my level of gratefulness has been decreasing lately. Weak moments as I am overwhelmed by the task in my hands. Be happy with everything that I am today. 

3.      Start doing what I was doing when I was single like walking and swimming so I can think and clear my heads.


4.     Find new friends
To be honest I’ve been trying to do this but not always comfortable with the people I’ve met so far. But my aunt said to keep looking until you find the one you feel comfortable with. So that’s mean I have to keep looking. 

So Moms any of you have the same experience with me? I’d love to hear your stories. 


.cheers.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Disconnect to Reconnect


picture from here

 Coming from a big family that loooove to have gathering so much make me feel so much enjoyment, comfort and at ease even for someone introvert like me. I used to sulk if my dad decided to spend time at home only on Eid day instead of going house by house of my relatives. Growing up lacking of love always made me try to find love by having connection with people either family or friends. And I'll always be that kind of person that will make more effort to connect with someone till this day. But since 5 years ago, the moment where I actually accept myself and able to love myself, I become more selective on having a relationship with both family or friends.

For me, a relationship is a TWO WAY process. For both relationship with family or friends. A relationship require efforts from both sides. And I learned the hard way about one way relationship. So It's been years that I finally able to have a TWO WAY relationship and I intended to savor that relationship. I never cut-off a relationship but it just vanished the moment I no longer put effort to it. Does it hurt? Like hell. At first, I was appalled that the reason I lost a relationship are because of money, because of marriage, because of a man, because of a woman. But then I realized their worth of my time and no they are not worth it. So I just didn't have to put so much effort anymore. I no longer need pile of relationship just so that I am loved. And I am happy with that because I love myself more.

But this year I have a lot of talks with my husband and how his circle of relationship are much worse than me so we decided to RECONNECT with people. Both family and friends. To me, some are an unsolved case but most of all I want to reconnect because Allah SWT. Because what we called hablumminannas (human relationships with other humans). Through this reconnecting I hope to make more  A NEW BEGINNING and find a lot of closure that I might need and RE-START again.
  

.Cheers.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Lose Yourself

Ini bukan lagunya Justin Bieber yeessss... Itu mah love yourself ya walaupun isi liriknya ga ada hubungannya dengan gimana cara mencintai diri sendiri.

Dua bulan lagi krucil masuk 2 tahun dan selama itu pula saya menjadi seorang ibu. Mungkin pengalamannya belum ada apa-apanya dibanding ibu-ibu lain yang anak-anaknya sudah besar. Tapi selama 2 tahun itu juga bikin sadar banyak hal. Jadi ibu rumah tangga yang dirumah aja itu ga gampang, yang ga kerja dan klo mau duit harus minta ke suami, yang mau dandan aja bingung soalnya cuma ke dapur aja, yang kerjaannya pake daster  lusuh kucel dan dekumel, yang bosen ngurusinnya cuma cucian piring baju dan ketemunya sama kotak dinding-dinding kamar dan rumah sambil seharian dengerin bahasa bayi.

Tapi bener deh belakangan ini lagi ngerasa kehilangan jati diri. Sebenernya apa sih jati diri? Itu loh yang kerja, bisa haha hihi di kantor, bisa kesana kemari abis kerja, bisa hang out waktu weekend, bisa bangun siang tiap weekend, yang bisa beli dan pake baju bagus tas dan sepatu bermerek, yang badannya langsing ga pake gurat2 strechmark. I feel like I lose myself when I become a mom seringnya saat bosan melanda hal-hal seperti itu yang dikangenin. Kangen bisa wangi bisa cantik dan itu bikin self-esteem menjunjung tinggi. Kangen bisa nulis blog setiap hari, bisa baca buku nonstop kalo buat saya. Tapi bener ga sih itu jati diri saya? Nope. Hal-hal kayak gitu buah dari kejenuhan berkutat hanya dirumah saja yang akhirnya bikin saya mikir it wasn't something that I'll do again if I want to. Sesungguhnya jati diri saya dulu seorang single yang happy. Dan sesunggunya jati diri saya sekarang adalah seorang ibu. And it's human for me to want to a period of time when everything was all about me. All those sacrifice will paid off in its time. It was just me having a weak moment.

Terlalu mikirin pendapat orang juga ga bagus apalagi kalo orangnya cuma bisa ngomong doang.. hehhehe.. now I am better.

How about you?

.cheers.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Envy

 Yupe blabbing ga jelas dulu boleh kan ya. Today I wrote about envy. Envy of other people life. Seumur-umur walaupun suka lihat kehidupan orang lain yang lebih hijau dari saya ga pernah kepikiran sama sekali iri atau ada rasa iri walau sedikit. This might sound ridiculous but I envy my bestfriend life Edo that recently continue his study to Japan. He got scholarship from where he work. Adalah yang bikin iri dia bisa keluar negeri. Tinggal disana. Jauh dari kehidupan orang Indonesia yang kadang carut marut. Konyol emang kedengerannya dari sekian orang yang saya kenal saya cuma iri sama temen saya yang satu ini. Padahal banyak temen dan adik kelas saya yang lebih sering dan lebih lama sekolah ataupun kerja di luar negeri. I don't know but maybe because I really know him and how he struggle for it. I am proud but envy. 

Dari dulu saya selalu ingin keluar negeri. Tinggal dan besar dan ga pulang-pulang dimana saja selain Indonesia. Bukannya ga nasionalis tapi susah buat saya untuk tinggal disini. Mulai dari otoritas sampe hal orang Indonesia ga bisa buang sampah aja jadi masalah. I never feel like I belong here. I love walking yang ga mungkin banget bisa sering-sering di lakuin kalau musti balapan sama asap kendaraan. And the people, I think it's only me but I happen to meet people with narrow-minded one sedangkan saya sangat open-minded. Lots and lots things that make me never belong here. You will shock how open my mind is or to what extent my thought could wander. Tapi kenapa sih sampai sekarang saya ga pernah sekolah atau benar-benar tinggal di luar negeri. Saya pernah keluar negeri lho ya buat jalan-jalan aja. Jawabannya simpel sih ya saya merasa saya masih sangat dilindungi Allah SWT. Kenapa? Living overseas will make all my dark and dirty mind to happen. Pasti bingung kan pasti berandai-andai kan tapi justru cuma karena hal itu saya ga pernah berusaha tinggal di luar negeri. People get to live overseas because they have a purpose to do like maybe working studying and on well I on the other hand just want to have freedom. Freedom that I never get to have here.

Oooops, you got to know my dirty little secret. Nevermind. Well, If you like Japan or want to know how it feel to study in Japan you can check my buddy blog here http://nofriadiedo.blogspot.co.id/ and don't forget to say hi.

.Cheers.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Manusia dan Manusia


Satu hal yang paling saya ingat dari suami dan ibu mertua saya adalah kita tidak boleh membenci seseorang. Mungkin saya bukan pendendam, tapi saya bukan orang yang mudah melupakan masalah atau melupakan orang yang berbuat masalah dengan saya.

Rasulullah SAW bersabda, "Sesungguhnya rahmat Allah tidak akan turun kepada suatu kaum yang di dalamya ada orang yang memutuskan tali persaudaraan".

Yang akan selalu terngiang diingatan. Kita tidak boleh membenci seseorang karena rahmat Allah tidak akan turun. Saya belajar banyak dari kalimat ini. Belajar memaafkan dengan ikhlas dan belajar merelakan bahwa semua apa pun yang terjadi di hidup saya adalah atas kehendak Allah SWT yang baik dan buruk.

Saya belajar satu hal baru mengenai silaturahmi dan hubungan sesama manusia, itu sifatnya dua arah. Dan ini berlaku sesama saudara, teman, maupun orang lain.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Happy New Year 1434 H

Happy New Year for all moslems,

Many times we forgot that our new year is actually on  1 Muharram 1434 Hijriah or happen November 15th this year. Especially this year I felt the vibe how many people celebrate new year massively. This new year happened in Thursday and Friday was common holiday so there were a long vacation on weekend. A lot of people have chance to spend their time with family and beloved people.

As my husband working on weekend, I have nothing to do apart from blogging. So I did a little self-reflection like I used to do except in this past years. You know, what's next goal, what I've been achieve and sorta things. Since married, actually, I lost all that I called passion that sometimes possessing. Apparently my goal on this 2 years were the same and I just realized how actually Allah SWT fulfilled mostly my goal. 

Started couple years ago I wrote what I want to achieve and what I already achieved. All in my notebook. (I'll update you with the picture later).

From all the list, most are accomplished, some are delayed, some are cancelled. Most of the things were for my family so weren't for my personal enhancement. Though not all was accomplish with my effort but with my eldest brother too. For me, no matter who accomplished it as long as it for family matter it's ok, I had a good intention and was hoping the best. For parents, for family what's not.

Once more HAPPY NEW YEAR 1434 H. Happy holiday. Happy long weekend :)

Updated:



Have you write down your wish-list to achieve for the next year? I don't have list for a good reason now, sorry, but I'll let you know if I end up have one.

.Cheers.



Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Silent Wrath

Dull Wednesday,

My emotion been riding roller coaster past few day, jolting from one thing that pissed me off to another. I always believe that patience has no limit. Everytime we think we are patient enough life will teach us another higher limit of patience. That's what I exactly I've been trained from time to time. It's perplexing for people I guess but I am someone very patient and yet very impatient. When there's a lot of things that test my patient, you don't see my anger as I keep it in silent wrath. 
 
First. Late arrival of my ring order. It supposed to take 7-10 days for custom order until delivered to me, but apparently it took 18 days and without any notice from the seller about my order and I can't contact them either. Just yesterday I had the call telling me that their internal system is broke down and all the data is all lost. They asked me for my detailed order then they'll check if my order is considered done. It is, thankfully. I just need to wait couple more days until it arrived.

Second. I met this man in a prayer room twice at that day. I met him couple of times before because we are in the same building. I am not typical who likes to go in a pack in everything, mostly I like being alone and thus give man a bigger chance to approach me most of the times for small talks. But I don't do talks especially to strangers. Later then, he asked me a phone number and a blackberry PIN which I don't bring any gadget that day. He insisted to ask a phone number, so for the sake of friendly personality I gave him my number. He text his blackberry PIN and asked me to add his, I did so. The annoying part was begin, he started to ask whether I already went home or not, I am not someone who hang around my gadget all the time so I didn't reply him and cause him PING! me all the time. Note: I hate people who chat through bbm with PING! unless it's my boss and my family for urgent matter or for bad-signal sake. I finally get it that he's trying to flirt and yet I hate it with the PING! PING! PING! bbm because I didn't reply his bbm. I have an advice for men or women who want to approach for new people, see their right or left finger, OBSERVE if she or he is wearing a WEDDING RING. That's how foreign people-and I-usually do in order to know our place. Telling him I am married is easy but I don't like the idea of how he annoyed me to the place I'd do the same. I am not a good speaker so once people annoyed me, it's not gonna nice what I they might to hear, so most of the times I keep in silent but yet make a necessary action by removing his contact from my bbm list. I did remove some people from my friend list if they have annoying traits.

Third. The things that test my patient the most is I got my other blog SUSPENDED! in violation on terms and services. I was in a very good mood and happy because November is National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) so I made my self at least one post a day in my other blog. I have myself in passion in writing, some of them are even have theme that encourage me and push me to write something new. I wrote about Paradise-Bali and put some links that have direct access to Bali tourism, apparently I think one of the links I put make me through the Terms and Services violation. It shocked me. Make me pale and angry. I supposed to follow my heart to write about something else, but I insisted. I asked for help to the customer service to help me get my blog back but until today they didn't give me the answer for at least ease my mind. I need my blog back :(

Fourth. I hate it when it come to deal with credit division from bank. They made no clear things to do or to sign and made me to work twice or three times at that. I hate it every time from their side telling the sooner the better. Yet you gave so fucking mislead information. I experienced it with couple banks but this really cost me a lot.

There's the fifth and sixth and seventh and eighth I've been dealing with things that cost me patience. I don't know. Grumbling around and spit it out to other people won't change anything in me but at least writing will. Writing is my therapy. 

.Cheers.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Personal Pleasure

I loved to talk and share with my partner about a lot of things. It was 'Personal Pleasure' that we talked about. As human sometimes we easily get bored on doing the same exact things or we easily enthusiastic doing new things and then we get bored again. There's tons of things that you could do to have your own pleasure in order to kill boredom.

For a mother who already have son or daughter. Seeing their children at home when they go home after work must be their personal pleasure. I have a lot of things that trigger my enthusiasm on new things but I realize I could never do a lot of things. I usually talk to my self and later I found out what I (REALLY) like to do.

It is my partner that gave me a very simple answer. He said "I think my pleasure is cooking and sports. I like cooking and enjoy cooking. When people say that my food is delicious I am very happy. As for sport, I'd like to do it again but I feel lazy recently."

I never thought of my personal pleasure. But definitely I have a lot of things that I like to do. I like photography and traveling a lot. But I choose to be a very smart photographer and a very thoughtful traveler. One day, I really want to have and buy a DSLR camera so I can capture beautiful things. I like traveling but It's hard for me to spend money and do a lot of traveling. One time, my partner told me to just buy a DSLR camera but in the end I reject it as I said a common digital camera is enough. To me, producing a good picture using a common digital camera is my personal pleasure. My journey to Thailand opened up my eye. Taking pictures while adoring how Allah SWT create universe is kinda disturbing so I like to picturised it in my memory. A picture just an evidence to tell people that you've been there.

Another personal pleasure my partner told me. Cleaning the house is my personal pleasure. Believe it or not. I love to do household stuff, I enjoy the most washing dishes. I rarely get tired from this. Plus leave me alone with music then I'll make my hand work immediately :) Maybe I am not suitable to work at office :p .

Writing also one of my personal pleasure. Along with mountain-breeze and sweet hot tea. Morning or afternoon never a big matter. I like a little sunshine as a dessert.



So, what is your personal pleasure?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Pray = Mosque (Eat Pray Love Pt.2)

Hi,

I know when it come to religion, I come to a very sensitive yet important. Every religion has their own place of worship. Here, I'm just gonna show you what I want to visit if I had a chance to travel. A mosque. and a little experience of moslem life in other country.








Photo by Guijarro85


Photo by SyN+H


Photo by Joao Maximo


Photo by papalars

 and this is surely must be visited

Photo by Mo7amaD

last but not least 
from my own homeland, Indonesia

Photo by Imansyah™

Photo by durentiga

(via)

 Here some bonus pictures from moslem Korean soldier

Captain Son Jin-gu from Zaitoon Unit recites an oath at ceremony to mark his
conversion to Islam at a mosque in Hannam-dong, Seoul on Friday.
/Yonhap
Soldiers from Zaitoon Unit pray after conversion ceremony at a mosque in Hannam-dong, Seoul on Friday./Yonhap


Have a good pray,
Fina


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

You can't judge a book by its cover, you hafta read it.

 
You can't judge a book by its cover, you hafta read it.

Though I don't really like reading books recently. I do like reading people's life. I've just finished blog walking into some blog writers I know. It's inspired me for sure. and envy. (a good envy)

Afterwards I always self-reflected. Here is my reflection:

In my 25th years of living I still try to find a world that definitely belong to me at the whole. I do feel late to realize my passion - Well, actually it's not that I don't know my passion. I know. I fortunately have to go around the bush. I guess I happily suppress my passion to do anything i like for something I feel more valuable. Some part of my self still craving for my world so that some times I do envy some people that can do everything they like. A good envy. 

Psychology, Traveling, Cooking, Sewing has always been my passion since I grow older. I realized I do something more important than just chasing my passion. I believe I can do it later when I turn even older than now. Humanly, I was sad to delay doing what I like. But I believe in God. If this is my way then this will turn beautiful even in any way.

I hope people out there are chasing their own passion. Live with it. and Die in it. 

Life is always beautiful. If somehow you feel down, turn your point of view 180 degrees. or look other people life. Tell me if you can't feel even more grateful.

As to my friends,
Keep struggling to love yourself even you and I know life is never that simple. While people judging you unfairly keep your head down and stand stronger. You don't have to make a lot of people to read you as long as God and your family&friends pay attention. That should be enough. 

Cheers,
Sofia

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Uang? Kaya? Beruntung?


Bingung dengan judulnya? Sama karena tiba" di otak saya blank, saya lupa apa yang mau saya tulis.

Here we go.
Pernyataan sepupu saya cukup menarik "Alhamdulillah ya mbak, kita ga dilahirkan di keluarga yang terlalu kaya. Beruntung ya mbak keluarga kita biasa aja"

Ya, ga miskin dan ga kaya. Middle yang bisa cross path to lower and upper class.

Jadi kemarin saya dan sepupu saya jalan-jalan di eX plaza mal yang buat saya aneh secara bentuk dan sangat memusingkan. Jujur banyak terkesima dengan toko-toko baru yang belum saya pernah temui di PIM atau Grand Indonesia. Suasana tokonya banyak yang ga Indonesia banget. Ada satu cafe namanya saya lupa (........Bistro) di antah berantah plaza eX. Saya ingat sekali warna cafenya biru, tempatnya romantis mirip cafe-cafe atau tempat makan di Inggris atau Perancis. Harga cukup terjangkau tapi bisa membuat saya 3 bulan harus makan seadanya. Jadi lah diputuskan tidak jadi. Tapi mungkin suatu hari mampir walau cuma minum capucino dan pancake seharga 100rb.

Saya juga memasuki banyak toko baju dan sepatu. Ngiler si engga tapi pengen mecahin kaca iya. Karena harganya seringkali tidak rasional. Saya penyuka aksesoris sangat tapi aksesoris paling mahal saya hanya 20.000 lebih dari itu saya ga akan beli. Tapi yang bikin saya gahar adalah kalung tipis dengan bandul kecil di bandrol dengan harga 1 juta saja.Ya murah sekali yang saking bingungnya kebanyakan uang tapi emang ada yang beli ya?
Saya juga penyuka baju (mayoritas yang rock and roll) dan sepatu (o yeah stilleto) sesekali saya beli yang branded seringkali beli yang biasa. Lebih sering lagi saya ga belanja. Belum lagi saya menemukan makanan jaman dulu di Cemal Cemil seperti coklat ayam jago, coklat koin atau payung, dan makanan dan mainan tradisional sebelumnya. "Hai orang kaya yang kayak begini masih banyak diwarung-warung dan kereta"

Pernyataan sepupu saya yang simple dan membuat saya merasa sangat beruntung. Berada di tengah membuat saya bisa merasakan, melihat, mendengar banyak hal. Ini membuat saya senang. Hal-hal yang secara fisik mudah saya jangkau dan sulit saya jangkau. Tapi membuat saya paham banyak hal.

-Saya senang bisa makan di warteg dengan harga yang relatif murah tapi saya juga bisa makan di restaurant dengan harga yang diatas terjangkau (walau ga sering-sering amat). Saya tidak mengharamkan makan di restaurant walaupun tidak semua terjangkau. Beruntungnya seringkali gratisan. ^^V
-Saya senang bisa beli sepatu dan tas mahal karena saya mementingkan kualitas. Lebih baik beli diatas 300rb tapi ga sampe jutaan ya (well, tiap orang punya budget tertentu) untuk jangka waktu pakai yang lama. Tas Guess yang saya punya pemberian tante dan sudah hampir 2 tahun. Karena menurut saya beli tas yang murah umurnya juga sebentar. 
-Saya senang bisa menghargai uang. Menghargai mereka yang susah payah mencari uang. 

Saya sudah sampai di fase ga suka belanja karena DULU saya sudah sering belanja. Menghabiskan uang untuk barang atau baju yang saya ga pernah pakai. Bukan berarti saya ga belanja. Ya saya belanja sesuai kebutuhan. Karena yang saya beli cuma barang akan selalu rusak dan akan selalu ada yang baru. Saya belajar banyak, baju-baju dan barang-barang yang tidak saya pakai dan menuhin kamar saya mungkin adalah barang-barang yang sangat orang lain di luar sana butuhkan.


Buka mata, hati dan pikiran. Liat banyak hal. Saat itu kita akan sangat merasa bersyukur atas apa yang kita punya.
 

Tapi punya banyak uang tidak selalu buruk koq. Saya percaya masih banyak orang baik di sini. Orang kaya yang juga menghargai arti uang dan merasakan, melihat, mendengar banyak hal.

Cheers,
Sofia

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Orang Asing dan Perempuan Berkulit Gelap


Ya mungkin seharusnya 'Bule dan Perempuan Berkulit Gelap'

Saya baru saja selesai jalan-jalan di halaman facebook salah satu teman yang berwarga negara Indonesia dan tinggal di luar Indonesia dan memiliki pacar orang bukan Indonesia.

Sepintas saya tertegun 'Benar-benar ya orang bule itu sukanya sama perempuan Indonesia yang berkulit gelap"

Saya mengerti, menerima, melihat dan merasakan kenapa banyak perempuan Indonesia berkulit gelap yang begitu tertarik dengan orang asing. Dari sekian banyak mungkin bisa disimpulkan orang asing lebih bisa menerima pribadi wanita Indonesia apa adanya dibandingkan dengan orang lokal. Ga ada generalisasi tapi ini mayoritas. Cara orang asing menerima pribadi perempuan sangat apa adanya terutama terkait fisik. Mereka tidak mempedulikan apakah kamu cantik atau biasa saja, apakah kamu putih atau berkulit gelap, apakah kamu harus dandan atau tampil polos saat nge-date, atau mengharuskan kamu feminin atau tomboy, atau bagaimana masa lalu kamu, dan lainnya. Mereka sangat mengagumi kecantikan hati pasangannya, mengagumi keeksotisan warna kulit pasangannya apalagi yang berkulit gelap, menghargai pendapat pasangannya, mendengarkan keinginan pasangannya, melibatkan peran pasangannya dalam kehidupan mereka, mengapresiasi apapun yang pasangannya lakukan secara positif, fokus dengan masa depan hubungannya tanpa terpengaruh masa lalu. Berbeda dengan kebiasaan mayoritas di kita yang masih sangat tenggelam untuk mengetahui masa lalu pasangannya dan melihat seseorang dari fisik terlebih dahulu.

Mungkin ini yang membuat banyak perempuan berkulit gelap menyukai bule menurut saya mereka GA RIBET. Dalam berhubungan kenyamanan itu sangat diperlukan. Dengan tidak banyak demand terhadap pasangan dan tidak memberikan kekhawatiran terhadap pasangan kalau laki-laki akan selingkuh kalau kita tidak selalu tampil cantik - pada saat nanti semua kecantikan yang diidam-idamkan akan berakhir sama, tua dan keriput, melibatkan pasangan dalam kehidupan menunjukkan ketergantungan satu sama lain.

Tidak mengecilkan keberadaan laki-laki Indonesia tapi saya merasa hal-hal seperti itu kurang di laki-laki di Indonesia. Semoga yang positif bisa memberikan pencerahan buat semuanya.

Cheers,


Sofia

Kenapa Harus Putih?


Ya kenapa harus putih?

Di negara saya mereka yang berkulit putih lebih menarik secara fisik dibandingkan mereka perempuan dengan kulit berwarna. Memang ga bisa digeneralisasi karena berkaitan dengan Personal Preferences. Tapi mayoritas di Indonesia baik perempuan dan laki-lakinya memuja warna kulit putih atau kulit berwarna cerah. Pendek kata putih lebih enak dilihat. Kalo kulit berwarna gelap cenderung kurang menarik atau kalau dimakanan ada kluwek kalau kulit ada bluwek. 

Saya sendiri memiliki kulit berwarna tapi sejujurnya yang membuat saya terganggu adalah pemikiran-pemikiran yang tidak enak yang muncul dari lingkungan. Lihat saja diiklan mana pun penggambaran sosok berkulit putih itu cantik dan sangat menarik dan banyak pula produk-produk yang menawarkan agar kulit tampak putih bukan kulit tampak gelap. Berbanding terbalik dengan yang di luar negeri, mayoritas orang asing menyukai kulit berwarna. Seringkali kita ga sadar saat mendeskritkan penampilan seseorang. Pernah ga secara sadar ga sadar bicara:
"Dia kan item, koq lo mau si (jadi pacarnya)?"
"Bule-bule sukanya sama perempuan-perempuan berwarna yang kayak pembantu"
"Pacar lo kan dekil" 
"Orang-orang (daerah itu) keling bgt"
dan lain sebagainya

Mungkin kulit berwarna kita jika tidak dirawat dengan baik memungkinkan terlihat kusam. Harus saya akui memiliki kulit berwarna membuat saya harus pintar-pintar merawat diri dan memakai pakaian yang sesuai yang mampu menampilkan keindahan kulit saya. Tapi menurut saya itu berlaku di warna kulit apapun termasuk kulit warna cerah. Tapi mungkin tingkat pengajaran terhadap keberagaman hanya sekedar teori. Karena diskriminasi warna kulit masih ada secara lebih halus. Salah satunya dengan penggambaran produk-produk bahwa kulit putih atau cerah itu indah. Tidak ada yang bisa memilih dilahirkan dengan warna kulit yang dia mau, semua ciptaan Tuhan pasti indah. Saat kita mencela ciptaan Tuhan, bukankah secara tidak langsung kita mencela Tuhan. Semoga dapat memberikan pencerahan!

Cheers,
Sofia

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Cewe Matre!


Wah judulnya mudah-mudahan tidak menyinggung perasaan Kaum Hawa ya. Terinspirasi dari hasil tukar pikiran dengan kaum Adam. Hai kaum Adam dan Hawa, semoga ini bisa jadi pencerahan buat kita semua.

Cewe Matre.  

Sampai saat ini masih ga ngerti dari mana mindset: Kalo pacaran harus cowo yang bayarin. Beda halnya dengan menikah, kalau itu saya mengerti. Jadi ini kegundahan Kaum Adam, membiayai kaum Hawa. To be honest mari Kaum Hawa dan Kaum Adam jauhilah kemunafikan. Ini adalah yang disebut MATERI : Uang, rumah, mobil, dan segala investasi yang berupa barang. Case ini untuk yang masih status pacaran belom merit dan belum ada janur kuning yang layu. (Buat yang udah merit juga bisa si).

Cowo: 
  • "Kenapa si semua cewe itu sama, selalu pengen dibayarin dari awal sampe akhir kalo lagi jalan sama cowonya",
  • "Kenapa cewe lebih suka cewe yang bisa kemana-mana pake mobil dan bukan pake motor, kalo pake motor bilang panas lah atau apa lah kesannya ribet banget",
  • "Kenapa ga pt-pt aja, lagian kan gw bukan suaminya belum ada kewajiban buat ngebayarin semuanya kalo udah jadi suami juga gw ga mau punya istri yang matre", 
  • "Cewe itu harus bisa mengerti keadaan cowonya."
  • "Apa yang bisa dilihat dari cowo kalo cowo selalu bayarin, beliin semua yang cewe mau?" (Oke ini pertanyaan yang cukup menohok)

dan inilah hasilnya

Hai Kaum Adam, kamu adalah imam dalam rumah tangga begitu pula pemimpin dalam pacaran. Kamu punya kemampuan menggerakkan perempuan menjadi apa yang baik. Mayoritas Kaum Hawa sangat suka hal-hal berbau materi. Siapa yang tidak suka dimanjakan dengan uang, uang mungkin tidak selalu bisa membuat kita bahagia tapi dengan uang kita bisa membeli sesuatu yang membuat kita bahagia, uang bisa membeli teman, pacar, sepatu, tas, baju, dan lainnya. Perempuan suka tas bermerek seperti Guess atau baju Zara atau barang-barang lainnya. Begitu pula saat kencan (bahasa apa ini) senang rasanya kalau sang laki-laki bisa selalu bayarin saat kita lagi jalan-jalan. Enak ya ga ngeluarin uang dan ngebiarin cowonya ngebayarin semuanya.

Punya pacar yang punya uang dan bisa bayarin sang perempuan apa aja yang dia mau. Pacar yang punya mobil bagus, pekerjaan dan gaji yang bagus, uang yang banyak selayaknya perhiasan yang ga akan bikin malu kalau mau dibawa kemana-mana. Coba deh sebanyak apa sie cewe yang GA AKAN NGELUH kalo cowonya ga bisa selalu bayarin makan saat jalan-jalan dan berakhir dengan bayar sendiri-sendiri sekalipun cowo itu adalah orang yang sangat berkecukupan, sebanyak apa cewe yang ga ngeluh kalo diajak jalan-jalan pakai motor tanpa merasa risih akan kena debu, panas, dll. 

Hai Kaum Hawa, jangan menjual gender kita untuk memanfaatkan Kaum Adam. Hai Kaum Adam, jangan mengumbar harta kalian untuk memanfaatkan kaum Hawa. Kaum Hawa menyatakan kesetaraan gender. Kaum Hawa bisa beli apa aja yang di mau, makan apa aja yang diinginkan, melakukan apa aja yang disenangi tanpa harus memanfaatkan Kaum Adam. Hai Kaum Adam lebih baik kamu tabung uang yang kamu punya untuk beli rumah atau sekolah atau menikah di masa depan, tidak ada kewajiban untuk membelikan atau membayari Kaum Hawa koq pada saat masa pacaran. Hai Kaum Adam kalau kamu memacari cewe matre, JANGAN NGELUH!

Psstt, emang ga banyak koq Kaum Hawa yang ga memikirkan materi. Tapi pasti ada koq. Beruntunglah yang bisa menemukannya. Pacaran mengajarkan dua manusia saling menyayangi dan berbagi kehidupan begitu juga berbagi materi. Coba lupakan mindset "Kalo pacaran harus cowo yang bayarin/beliin."


Bisous,

Sofia