Why I Stop Shopping

I never really know if I like shopping or not. But I did know that once I had more than 20 pairs of shoes (high-heels/flats/wedges/sneakers) and countless bags and infinite amount of clothes (some are still have price tag hanging). And quite amount of money on my saving account because I like saving from when I was a elementary schooler. I had all of those when I was in high school and I have pocket money more than my average friends had. But then I went broke. That was when I was in college.

I struggle with money when I was in college. Did a lot of part time to have some spare money because money is tight and I no longer a trust fund kid (there's no such thing in my country but yes I spend my early year from my grandparents money but u know what I mean). So there's no longer activity that involves money in my part. I do still shop for necessity only and it's cheap clothes cheap bags cheap shoes something I can throw away easily if it's rotten. But sometimes I get a hand down branded clothes or bags or wallet from my other family which is great! I love expensive things... I mean who doesn't.

I didn't know when I found shopping is actually a wasting activity that leave me with nothing but exhausting feeling but I no longer enjoy shopping more over window shopping. But don't get me wrong I still go to a mall (even it's not too often) or sometimes a window shopping (more like a scanning shopping from outside the store to look something that might catch my eyes but mostly nothing attract me). And please separate shopping with groceries shopping, that one I love doing it.

At first I began feeling such a waste of money that I have clothes that was new (even still with the price tag) or clothes that only been wear one time or bags that some I rarely use it. That's when I started giving away clothes and bags and shoes. I no longer seeing the things that had brand in it or how beautiful it is, nope, I saw comfy only. So I went trough my closet and give away a lot of clothes that I don't feel 100% want to wear and leave clothes that I 100% will wear and that goes the same way to the bags and shoes. Untill today I've been doing a lot of sorting and able to reduce to 1/4 of what I used to have and still I feel my clothes and bags are still to much. And I am going to do another sorting out in this short haul. At first it wasn't easy to throw things out some are belong to my mom and some are things that I love but I keep telling myself that there's people out there that didn't even have decent clothes or bags or shoes and that it will be more usefull if it was wear by someone in need. And close my eyes.

Today I do shop but not for fashion but for necesity but not much and everytime I bought one or two clothes I made sure I give away one or two (the same amount) clothes/shoes/bags that I rarely wear. I once went with no shopping for more than 6 months. I sometimes envy with people that wear beautiful or up-to-date clothes/bags/shoes but that's only that because once I hit a store for shopping usually I leave with a headache. Something I am working on.

It's less than 2 weeks that ramadhan coming and I am going to do sorting out again! I saw on TV about "Outle Dhuafa" that sells clothes for free for people in need and they open for donations and that's are my clothes heading to. Just clothes. Because as per today my husband has more shoes than I am and my kid has more clothes than I am but I still have more bags (my mom bags mostly). So If you want to donate some please look on their instagram.

.cheers.

Walk-In Closet

I've post about my dream kitchen and library of my future home. Now I am going to post my dream walk in closet (Is it walk in closet or walking closet?) . In where I living in, having a walk in closet is a rare thing unless you are filthy rich. Here we use bedroom cupboard and it's not that big or really big if u have a lot of stuff.

I am struggling to manage the amount of the clothes and the extent of the bedroom cupboard that actually leave me crazy. Because no way it's gonna fit in one place. Since we plan on moving back to my in-laws house I need to think some ideas that will put everything in the right place.

Off course, I need to put away some old clothes or rarely use clothes to a chest so the clothes that I will put in the bedroom cupboard are the one we frequently use. But I am dying to have a walk in closet at my future home. It's because I have allergy to dust and keep everything clean and organize will at least ease my allergy. That's why I can't stand having a junk in my room previously.

So here are the idea for my walk in closet:

pictures from housepict.com

I hope I can make it happen in near future....

.Cheers.

My Nationalism

I might heard this somewhere, but I don't think I heard it somewhere, wait! Well, I never really cared what people talk about me, I didn't even know if they talk about me. Who cares? I don't care!

Well, I never questioning my nationalism but maybe the way I show my pride on my country wasn't always in the same road like everybody else.

I love my country-whole of it-but some parts just don't match mine. I hate ethnic discrimination.

I get this a lot from older people when people ask me 

A: "Which ethnic are you?"

Me: "I am Indonesian"

A: "Which ethnic are you?"

Me: Ooouughhh persistence don't you. "I born in B city, grew in B city, my mother from D and C ethnicity, my father from E ethnicity and ancestry from F people, so I am Indonesian"

Given how people nowadays more modern and advance and there's a lot of cross-ethnic weddings which make their new generation is a mixed of different culture. 

I love every ethnic in Indonesia but what I hate is people tend to talk bad of other ethnic and that's way I pronounce myself out loud " I am Indonesian". It seemed like I don't care about being in one ethnicity, yes I don't care, because in my eyes Indonesia is about diversity but yet we haven't grown yet to accept difference.

Gotta admit I love traditional things like traditional dance, language, custom, clothes and I treasure them by watch them and proud of them. 

I can understand several words from 2 traditional language from 2 different ethnics but because I didn't learn it for advanced it just evaporate like that. I don't do the dances but would love to if I can. I love kebaya and batik but I don't wear it often. Well, let's say different preferences. 

Ah, I speak and write English more than Bahasa. I don't know, I just don't have that "connection" with Bahasa. You'll find me frozen or blank to speak or write in Bahasa, well I don't know why I found difficulty on words in Bahasa. So don't blame me. 

To me nationalism wasn't always about what you wear, talk but it's more like what we feel. I feel proud with my country despite every flaws and that hard-and-difficult transportation and the nightmare-traffic.

and I don't whine. I love my country so I don't whine but live in honesty to make this country better.

.Cheers.

Playfull

Wew, last weekend is a blast. Why? If it possible I might cut my self into 6 or 7 pieces... There's 5 breakfasting together with friends but actually am dying to have breakfasting at home which until now it still a dream to me.

Hoaa banyak banget yang harus gw lakuin pas weekend. Mulai dari saudara dan temennya yang pulang dari negeri jauh, temen-temen yang datang buat buka puasa bareng, dan keinginan hibernasi dirumah tanpa di ganggu gugat. Tapi semua ga bisa gw lakuin secara berbarengan.

Hmm... bukannya gw ga mau ikut jalan-jalan sama sodara dan temennya yang datang dari jauh. Am dying for it. Tapi gw juga harus lebih real, gw udah kerja, dan weekend gw punya tanggung jawab absen ke rumah dan ketemu ade-ade gw walaupun sebentar. Dan belakangan ini mood gw sangat-sangat fluktuatif. Gw jadi kangen masa kebebasan pas waktu itu gw yang ngatur tapi sekarang gw diatur waktu. hiks hiks.Tapi mungkin beberapa orang lupa gw ada di tahap yang sudah berbeda dari sebelumnya. Apa boleh dikata gw sudah puas main begitu kan-walaupun nerimanya susah tapi gw berusaha koq...

Pengembara

Saya ga tau apa semua orang suka jalan. Tapi saya, YA! Buat saya dengan berjalan saya bisa lebih mendengar suara hati saya sendiri. Mendengar masalah-masalah sendiri. Saya punya banyak masalah. Saya yakin semua orang punya masalah. Masalah yang seringkali membuat orang tidak mengenali jalan keluarnya.

Sekarang saya hanya ingin keluar dari kota ini Bogor - Jakarta dan wilayah sekitarnya karena terlalu penuh terlalu sesak. Penuh dengan orang-orang yang sedikit banyak membunuh saya pelan-pelan dengan begitu banyaknya mobil dan asap knalpot yang cukup untuk menggambar lubang hitam di paru-paru dan jantung saya. Sesak dengan kemunafikan dan kenaifan orang-orang yang layaknya maneqin atau boneka-boneka dengan segala rutinitasnya. Ya saya mau sekali pergi.

Pergi ke tempat yang bisa dengan tidak kawatir saya bisa menghirup udara sedalam-dalam tanpa mencoreng paru-paru saya dengan timbal. Pergi ke tempat saya bisa berjalan kaki sampai kaki saya pegal, berjalan dan berlari. Saya ingin pergi ketempat yang orang-orang nya lebih beradab sama bumi tempat saya bisa berjalan kaki. Saya tidak sanggup menghayalkan jernih dan segarnya udara, itu hanya akan membuat saya semakin menggila dan tidak sabar. Saya ingin kabur.

Saya ga sabar kemana Allah akan membawa saya.