Crazy, Tired and Bored Stay-at-home Mom

I've been wanting to write for so long but the writer block and the kid yes were a major excuse for me for not being able to write. It's been 26 months being a stay-at-home mom plus 7 months a stay-at-home wife. That's A LOT. And this is just the time I have no idea what I have to do. I've been suffering from major boredom like literally I hate my life. It's nice to have a husband and a kiddo but sometimes I just wanna say "enuff is a enuff". The responsibility the never ending chores the demand the constant things just left me there in a corner of a dark room and cry.

I looooove my kiddo but being a parent is damn hard. I don't always get a me time which I should've known there's no such thing as me time when u have a kid. If you argue taking a shit uninterupted is a me time well there's your me time but to me NO that's not a me time that's me doing my humanly business. I tried so haard to be excited of the day but the truth I dread it. I don't know if you can but I can't spend my time from 7 am to 7 pm playing kiddie toy and talking baby words, it's boring. So sometimes I let the kid watch TV or DVD or play with my phone then you got to read on Facebook from parenting experts the negative effects of children that got to spend time watching tv and gadget. I mean wth! It makes me questioning myself, my ability as a parent.
Some of you probably have sitter or grandparents to play or care with your kid but me, I did it all. An adult once said to me to not let my kid watch tv but I know for sure that person never have a taste of being a stay-at-home mom and have to deal with kid all day. Ooo please never talk if u never in my shoes or offer any help.

Being a tired stay-at-home mom affects your interaction with your spouse. Well, in my case it is. My husband always away for works and everytime he went home he just want to relax and have couple quality time. Little did he know that kind of quality time is a rare thing. He, too was faced with kiddo demand of attention and it took a lot of his time and energy so by the end of the day we were both tired and the first thing in my was bed and sleep. We talked about this how we unconsciously missing our younger age where less responsibilities less chores and more less and less. But then we got to remind each other that this is the new us. The new me. The new you. As a parents. A mother. A father.

When crazy, tired and bored stay-at-home mom phase hit me I will likely remembering my young wild and free me (though the wild me only a couple of people I allowed them to see 😄).  With less responsibilities less chores less cooking less crying more money more fun more free life. Till today I am still juggling how to balance of me as a mother a wife a partner and as myself which never easy but I hope someday I found the right formula that work for everybody but most of all work for me.

.cheers.

P.s. Don't get me wrong I love you both hubs and kiddo to the moon.. I won't trade you for anything well maybe for ice cream. 😛

A Life You (Might) Never Know

I wasn't someone coming from money although some of my family did have money more than I can produce. Today was another day that remind me to always be grateful. So we, my husband-me-and-my kid, are on our way to the Mckids so that our kid can have sometime to play with people his age. Halfway through the destination rain came down pouring with no inclination to stop. We decided to stop and wait for the rain to stop. Because no way we went through the rain as my kid recently having HFMD and I was just visit the doctor. We didn't want to take a risk of soaking in a cold heavy rain.

We took a shade in front of one of the shop and being hungry that we are. We decided to eat right there in the cold hard floor of a closed shop while ordering meatball soup. Some people that we know might take pity on us but to me this kind of hardship remind me to always grateful and humble. Never once in my life that I feel ashamed of what we've been through as a family. Problem is we never let people even our own family knows our hardship.

We as a human really want to give their best to our loved ones. Hence, me being a parents make me want to give my best to the kiddo. We able to provide a decent shelter that in the process put me in a lot of stress, you are lucky if your parents could provide you some financial assistance, but not me and my husband. We need to work our ass of and drain our entire saving to be able to buy our family a decent home. With me quit the job right at the moment I knew I was pregnant it brought us a new problem: how are we gonna survive with single income? We're hanging by a thin thread the moment we live by ourself but in return having a house giving you more freedom. Freedom to shape your own kid and your own family. And it didn't just stop there.

We have no car. If it's just me and my husband I really don't give a fuck to go to one destination to other by using my husband motorcycle. The 14-years-old motorcycle. That if you speed up through a bump one or another part of the motorcycle tore apart (you won't believe it but it's true). But that's the only transport we have. At first I'd had unshed tears everytime my kid was riding with us and there's just too much heat or (mostly) rain. And at night I'll cry myself while watching my kid for having to go through that condition but we as a parents have no choice. People could pity us or questioning us on why we couldn't afford a car. And that's the only thing they could do and sometimes I just wish they just shut up. You probably never know what it feel to not have an option. Truthfully we couldn't afford a car. And I didn't want we didn't have a car lead us to just stay at home. We've been through up and down in that motorcycle. We've had scattered our monthly groceries on the road because we didn't take into account how many groceries we're able to bring if we went on groceries. We've been through many cold heavy rain. We've been through the hottest weather. We've been through the happiest and saddest moment in that motorcycle with our kid sandwich between us. And in every trip we had I always pray that this struggle and sacrifice will make my kid grow in grateful and humble.

It has name. Thank you F  for accompanying us this whole time.

This might a little piece of struggle and sacrifice I want to share. Don't want your pity. Don't want anything in return because through this process I learn one thing: to never expect people acknowledgement just expect Allah SWT acknowledgement. But If you want to share yours maybe we can be a good friends. I love talking about what life give us.

picture from here

.Cheers.

Triplet Festivity

Among all months in a year, November give me the most feels, the mark of the life and the death of the dearest.

. My brother's birthday. It's been 12 years now. We had family dinner and he managed to choose to eat steak. Yes he can choose what he likes and dislikes. Though I found my self at disadvantage to find him a birthday gift. I don't know which category does a 12-year-old boy is, a kid or a teenager? My brothers are the reason I need to become a good sister, a good role mode which somehow I failed to manage it. I never succeed. We all grew with no mother presence and so much drama in life and I have this worry that he needs to go through a life I've been through. The hardship of have no mother as your teacher of life. But I hope he'll manage to go through it as like his other sister and brother manage to go through it. We have this same blood. A blood of a survivor and a fighter. Happy Birthday, F!

. My mother's death. Yes, it's been 12 years by now, as you can see the hint. My mother was one of a mother who put her life in the line to deliver her child, my brother. She was always a tough mother and I grateful that Allah SWT take her away because life can harm her and I don't want that. Every time I've through the hardship where I wish she was there holding and accompanying me I just feel more grateful that she wasn't. For the best mother deserve the best place. In Allah's side. Nothing more beautiful than that. I always love you, mom!

. My 1st Wedding Anniversary. It's been a years + 9 years of relationship means 10 years togetherness. Me and husband never really celebrate our anniversary only at the beginning years of the relationship. And, to be honest, to count it to 1 (one) again and to say Happy Anniversary seemed odd. :) I grateful for every differences that even devastated me we can still together until forever. Thank you husband for letting me be a wife who has a rock star attitude that like to hang out on T-shirt and jeans and sneakers instead of dress, compromise when we will have a child and anything that occur in our little world, giving me freedom to spend couple hundred thousands rupiah in books instead of clothes or shoes or bags, not pushing me to cook instead you cook for me, and all my too-broad open mind and all my harsh thought and all my harsh way to show love. Happy Wedding Anniversary, F! Your the best, always!

This is the way I like to celebrate moments, a single cake and a single candle *blow off*

Thank you for being the biggest part of my life. Family always comes first.

.Cheers.

Another Face of Life

Oh hai,

I know it still long way to go. Since my engagement and now am preparing for the wedding. To be honest, I don't feel something growing physically after I know that I am going married. Like I don't learn to cook or any kind you called it a wife stuff. Because I think it's not a prior, I can learn afterward and even more my fiancee cooks better than me. ^^V 

I must be lying if there's nothing happen. It is happen but more inside of me. I think to have an agreement within my self is more important. I mean heading to a new stage where I feel need a lot of effort and understanding I need to set up my heart. Determined my self. Truthfully, I've seen a lot of marriage and its problem-a long time marriage or even the new one. A heartbreaking problems.

I've seen a lot of women demanding their partner to understand them more. I've seen a lot of men showing their love which unmatched with their women and children. I've witness cheating. I've witness unfairness. I've witness happiness and sadness. I know nothing is perfect. But when you've seen all this kind of stuff. Falling in the same spot with them won't it become a waste of time in learning? 

Cheers,

Sofia

Friday

Friday!!!

Yupe, sema orang suka sekali Juma't karena artinya weekend didepan mata. Sebelum saya mengakhiri jumat ini saya mau berbagi sedikit. Setengah harian hari ini saya habiskan membaca blog yang tulisannya membuat saya terinspirasi. Saya masukkan di blogroll saya silakan dilihat Belle Vie. Banyak informasi yang bisa saya dapatkan dan memang saya suka baca kehidupan orang lain melalui cerita dan gambar. 

Blog itu penuh dengan mimpi-mimpi saya tentang Eropa dan menjadi penulis dan bagaimana dia menjadikan blog sebagai sarana dia untuk belajar menulis dan objek paling mudah adalah keseharian. Sebenernya saya kurang suka mengobral cerita pribadi. Tapi setelah saya pikir saya juga sudah mengumbar kehidupan pribadi saya disini yang mayoritas isinya tentang saya dan putus cinta saya. Hahaha.. Harap maklum saya one-man woman dan super lebay. Hidup saya hanya penuh tentang cinta. Saya berpikir untuk menjadikan blog saya lebih berwarna dan ga bkin bosen yang isinya cinta-cintaan melulu. I will try my new adventures and I will post it here. Oia saya lebih nyaman menggunakan bahasa ibu. 

Sudah 2 hari ini saya kebut belajar bahasa Perancis sendiri, enak sekali belajar bahasa. Buat saya bahasa adalah jendela dunia saya. Saya bisa belajar kebudayaan negara lain dan mudah-mudahan aplikasi saya untuk belajar bahasa Perancis langsung di negaranya disetujui dan dalam prosesnya diperlancar dan dipermudah Allah SWT. Amin!

Hoooaahmmm.. saya harus segera tidur. Besok Agi-teman satu geng saya akan menjemput saya jam 7 pagi untuk ke "WEDDING DAY".Saya ga terlalu suka datang ke pesta tapi pesta kali ini membuat saya harus keluar dari peraduan dan mulai menghadapi orang. Untuk teman baik saya, Elvina dan Tris:

"SELAMAT MENIKAH. HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE. STICK TOGETHER UNTIL DEATH"

Doa saya yang terbaik untuk kalian berdua. Saya juga teringat sahabat terbaik saya "Ana" semoga diberikan kelancaran dan kemudahan dalam melahirkan. You are all my best friends. Love you girls.

Bisous,

Sofia