Burnout

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These couple months save to say I've been experiencing motherhood burnout and it's brutal. I am faced with the reality of breaking out of my burnout situation is hard. No amount of watching Kdrama help me to get out of my bone-tired condition. I keep thinking and searching the reasons behind it. Or what trigger it. To admit that it is relate to my husband working from home is true but I don't think it is the main reason. As I was never one to peg of having wealth to the point of certain amount. I was mediocre to begin with so yeah...but one still able to dream.

I've been so detached to a lot of things especially my first born. Doing  house chores with zombie mode. A simple act could lead to a unreasonably yelling. Body always aching, my asthma often relapse than it's used to be and I keep forgetting to use my controller. I could go three days with less than 5 hours sleep double up with trying to take my mind of by watching Korean Drama. Most of all, I lost all motivation there to function everyday, to be present for my kids.

Breaking down the reasons behind my motherhood break out, the first reason might be that all these years I've been putting myself on the last option to give love at. I keep on giving love and myself to the kids, the husband, the marriage that I FORGOT to fill in my self. To reward myself with simple act of self-love: Self-care. Things can be done with million ways, a little more that usual screen time won't hurt, a less-healthy choice of food won't kill you. But understanding and doing it is one another problem. The feeling you have that when you let loose a little bit, that of you failed.

But maybe I choose the best timing to be UNGRATEFUL of life during this pandemic. Keep telling myself to be grateful to be healthy and alive is enough. But I don't know.... Still try to battling with this burnout. Hoping I could win this game of life. Wish me luck.

.Cheers.