The answer is I don’t know. Maybe. I think many moms lose
themselves in motherhood. Maybe I am one of them because I am slowly fading
away from myself and my interest and my passion without even realizing that it
is happening. I starting to realize just now but really maybe I am just a lazy
person that use taking care of my kid as an excuse not to do more or at the end
of the day it’s just exhausting to have what’s left of my energy to do what I
like and opt for sleep, I don’t know.
Motherhood is one long and tiring journey of changing
diapers, feeding, and breastfeeding and on and on and on. I’ve just finished
self-weaned my kid at 30 months and on the way to toilet training and separate
sleeping. People would ask me why I haven’t toilet train my kid and the answer
would be because I was lazy, I want the easy way of not having to wait my kid
sit on the toilet or simply I don’t want to mop if he peed on the floor. Or why
decide to separate sleeping so early because I want my bed back and my beauty
sleep back. Motherhood means a lot of future homework. I overwhelmed.
When I was single or in my early years of marriage I used to
love reading, listening music, writing my thoughts on my blog, writing poems
and walking but simple things like that was a hard bargain to do anymore. Through
the first and second years after my kid was born I was able to read books, lots
of it, but in doing so I have to sacrifice my already limited-to sleep to
nearly hanging by a thread. If I was reading a book I’d likely only sleep for 2
to 3 hours a day and it’ll run till the book finished and I have a habit to
hardly put a book down once I read it. So they are days where I barely sleep
and it affect my health, I was easily have asthma attack and skin allergic. Now,
it’s been months since I enjoy reading. I’d like to write lots of things but in
the end it’ll just end up in draft because I was suddenly blank or interrupted by
the kid and those thoughts just fly by and never came back. And I haven’t walk
in ages.
Things I usually do slowly just nowhere in my agenda
anymore. I love my kid and won’t trade anything with him but sometimes a really
quality time with myself is just what I need. To me a mother is the world of
the family and I believe a happy mother make a happy kid and husband thus a happy
family. It’s important for a mother to be happy for what and where she is right
now.
Here’s ways I am gonna do to say Hi to myself again:
1. Start to put myself in a daily and weekly agenda
that will allow me to have some alone time
If I can make a daily time table
for my kid to do surely I should be able to make one for me. Try to squeeze in
an alone time for myself and make a quiet time for my kid so that he can play
or read by himself.
2.
Be Grateful
I gotta admit my level of gratefulness
has been decreasing lately. Weak moments as I am overwhelmed by the task in my
hands. Be happy with everything that I am today.
3. Start doing what I was doing when I was single
like walking and swimming so I can think and clear my heads.
4. Find new friends
To be honest I’ve been trying to do
this but not always comfortable with the people I’ve met so far. But my aunt
said to keep looking until you find the one you feel comfortable with. So that’s
mean I have to keep looking. So Moms any of you have the same experience with me? I’d love to hear your stories.
.cheers.
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