Saya

Saya bosan seperti ini
Saya bosan harus merasa kawatir setiap hari
Saya tidak mengerti saat kamu bilang saya sudah bahagia lebih banyak dari saya yang sedih
Saya bingung menerka-nerka seolah-olah saya berteman hidup dengan seseorang yang bukan manusia
Saya gamang ketika harus menyaksikan raut mukamu yang tanpa makna tanpa rasa tanpa duka tanpa suka
Saya...

Hubungan Antar Sesama

Saya senang bisa melihat kehidupan orang lain dan membacanya, memahaminya, ya semacam analisa seperti itu. Saya ga pernah tau kenapa bisa jatuh cinta dengan hubungan antar sesama dan mempelajari hubungan antar sesama itu padahal saya bukan orang psikologi dan bukan orang yang mudah bergaul. Atau lebih tepatnya juga saya membatasi diri bergaul karena saya merasa orang-orang memiliki beragam penerimaan akan keberadaan seseorang. Saya merasa pemikiran saya berbeda dan mungkin sedikit tajam untuk beberapa orang.

Setiap orang hidup dengan beragam masalah dan solusinya. Tapi saya paling sebel klo orang men-judge seenaknya. Saya ga mau munafik, saya juga menjudge orang tapi saya ga membiarkan orang itu tau dengan apa yang saya pikirkan atau apa yang saya judge. Saya gag mau orang itu merasakan keanehan dengan pikiran2 saya. Dan menurut saya, saya ga berdosa karena saya simpan pikiran itu untuk saya sendiri. Ga ada orang yang ingin hidup disalahkan atas apa yang dia putuskan di hidupnya, dan bukan membenarkan yang salah. Ga ada orang yang mau dicibir atau setiap melihat orang-orang tersebut akan menyinyir atas apa yang dia putuskan. Hanya saja kata salah seperti momok menakutkan bagi sebagian orang terutama saya.

Ingat, setiap orang diberikan permasalahan masing-masing sesuai dengan kemampuan masing-masing. Bagaimana dia menjalankannya, bagaimana dia memutuskannya, bagaimana dia ber-deal dengan apa yang dia hadapi kita ga bisa sekonyong-konyong menilai apa yang dilakukan seseorang itu salah atau benar. Kita memang hidup berkomunitas, komunitas tersebut yang terkadang menilai sesuatu benar atau salah. Kalau sesuai dengan komunitas syukur-syukur ga dicibir. Tapi saat salah alangkah baiknya kita ga menghakimi orang itu. Setiap permasalahan merupakan titik balik untuk seseorang. Setiap orang punya waktunya masing-masing untuk berkembang dan menjalani hidup yang lebih baik. Alangkah bijaknya kita lihat saja dari jauh, ketika terlalu jauh cukup diingatkan saja, ketika orang itu jatuh-tunggu saja sampai dia bertanya tentang apa yang dia butuhkan, ketika orang itu benar jaga saja orang itu agar terus benar. Kita tidak bisa memaksakan kehendak untuk mengajari orang lain maupun mengubah kehidupan atau pun pribadi orang lain. Karena ketika sudah waktunya orang tersebut akan merubahnya sesuai dengan keinginannya sendiri dan pasti hasilnya akan lebih indah.

Selamat mencoba!

Cheers,

Being Underestimate

I always meet people who underestimate me. Moreover in my earlier age, people are underestimate my ability, my appearance even my name. 

I hate people when they mocked my name, they playing it to be Sofiana = Sop Kaki Ayam or they change my name Fina to Pina (in Sundanese way) so I growth with hatred to people mocked my name and even I hate my name.

As I grow by teenager, people underestimate my appearance. I might not be the most beautiful girl ever exist, but I am not pretty damn care about it. but still the way people see me kinda disturbing my serenity. I might not having famous friends or what the 'Mean Girl Movie' have-a bunch of beautiful and handsome friend. I might not always using branded stuff or buying expensive food. Maybe because I was modest outside I am unseen for some people eyes. But I had branded stuff. I ate at expensive restaurant. I did shopping a lot. I did what mostly famous friends do. Spending my parents or grandparents money without thinking. But I still own my own money through help my grandparents work. Once in my senior time, I was dating a pretty good looking high school boy who most girl would fall for him. There are lot friends mocked him. Like "Are you kidding me, you're dating her!" or "Are you really dating her, why her?" So yes I growth with hatred to people mocked my appearance.

When I was at college, I meet people underestimate my ability. People underestimate because my major was infamous, because I wasn't be able to be an achievers. But fuck them! And Even when I was entering working life people mocked my major, my universities.

 

Here I am, I proudly pronounce my name is Fina Sofiana. I am proudly with my appearance, why, because it's hard to people to recognize me at first shot or shocked people esp for those who underestimate me earlier. I am changing a lot and still continuing. My ability, brought me to meet a lot of people from different country-this make some people who underestimate my appearance acknowledge me. Those who remain in silent for my existence, they started say ahhhhh. But still, some people underestimate me because I am not a not-too-high-GPA person. But I was there people, I worked at International place and interviewed at Brunei Embassy. I was that person who you mocked and underestimate. Those who choose me are believe in me that I have something more than just appearance, I have the ability to stand up while you keep mocking and underestimating me. I still meet people who underestimate me and those people will always there. Well, see you in the future..

Don't underestimate people because we never know what s/he will be in the future.

Cheers,

 

Don't Stigmatize Me 'Lebay'

I am a 'Lebay" person who takes everything too seriously or too much.. but I guess all people are 'Lebay' in certain time. And it's not illegal. But probably each people has different time they can be in their 'Lebay' time, so that makes us judge them 'Lebay' while we're not. Life is moving, once you feel happy then sad then angry then relieve then whatever then perhaps 'Lebay'. You know why I write about this because last night my hunny said I am a 'Lebay' person,and some my friends always said I am, but according to my hunny, I am too much in love, too much take care of people being rather than myself, too much expressive, too much spoiled, too much and bla bla bla. I guess I am. Last night, I felt so in love and this city I'm living in is a hell so I have to endure the pain living in it plus dealing with such lonely faces and lonely soul, so I was too much spoiled. I am. I guess my friends saying is because I am way too much expressive about something. I admit I am lebay. It's better than denying who we are. More than that our existence are the same with those who-let say-are not 'Lebay' ...Well, nobody like being mocked!!

Have a nice day people!

Cheers,