Why I Stop Shopping

I never really know if I like shopping or not. But I did know that once I had more than 20 pairs of shoes (high-heels/flats/wedges/sneakers) and countless bags and infinite amount of clothes (some are still have price tag hanging). And quite amount of money on my saving account because I like saving from when I was a elementary schooler. I had all of those when I was in high school and I have pocket money more than my average friends had. But then I went broke. That was when I was in college.

I struggle with money when I was in college. Did a lot of part time to have some spare money because money is tight and I no longer a trust fund kid (there's no such thing in my country but yes I spend my early year from my grandparents money but u know what I mean). So there's no longer activity that involves money in my part. I do still shop for necessity only and it's cheap clothes cheap bags cheap shoes something I can throw away easily if it's rotten. But sometimes I get a hand down branded clothes or bags or wallet from my other family which is great! I love expensive things... I mean who doesn't.

I didn't know when I found shopping is actually a wasting activity that leave me with nothing but exhausting feeling but I no longer enjoy shopping more over window shopping. But don't get me wrong I still go to a mall (even it's not too often) or sometimes a window shopping (more like a scanning shopping from outside the store to look something that might catch my eyes but mostly nothing attract me). And please separate shopping with groceries shopping, that one I love doing it.

At first I began feeling such a waste of money that I have clothes that was new (even still with the price tag) or clothes that only been wear one time or bags that some I rarely use it. That's when I started giving away clothes and bags and shoes. I no longer seeing the things that had brand in it or how beautiful it is, nope, I saw comfy only. So I went trough my closet and give away a lot of clothes that I don't feel 100% want to wear and leave clothes that I 100% will wear and that goes the same way to the bags and shoes. Untill today I've been doing a lot of sorting and able to reduce to 1/4 of what I used to have and still I feel my clothes and bags are still to much. And I am going to do another sorting out in this short haul. At first it wasn't easy to throw things out some are belong to my mom and some are things that I love but I keep telling myself that there's people out there that didn't even have decent clothes or bags or shoes and that it will be more usefull if it was wear by someone in need. And close my eyes.

Today I do shop but not for fashion but for necesity but not much and everytime I bought one or two clothes I made sure I give away one or two (the same amount) clothes/shoes/bags that I rarely wear. I once went with no shopping for more than 6 months. I sometimes envy with people that wear beautiful or up-to-date clothes/bags/shoes but that's only that because once I hit a store for shopping usually I leave with a headache. Something I am working on.

It's less than 2 weeks that ramadhan coming and I am going to do sorting out again! I saw on TV about "Outle Dhuafa" that sells clothes for free for people in need and they open for donations and that's are my clothes heading to. Just clothes. Because as per today my husband has more shoes than I am and my kid has more clothes than I am but I still have more bags (my mom bags mostly). So If you want to donate some please look on their instagram.

.cheers.

Crazy, Tired and Bored Stay-at-home Mom

I've been wanting to write for so long but the writer block and the kid yes were a major excuse for me for not being able to write. It's been 26 months being a stay-at-home mom plus 7 months a stay-at-home wife. That's A LOT. And this is just the time I have no idea what I have to do. I've been suffering from major boredom like literally I hate my life. It's nice to have a husband and a kiddo but sometimes I just wanna say "enuff is a enuff". The responsibility the never ending chores the demand the constant things just left me there in a corner of a dark room and cry.

I looooove my kiddo but being a parent is damn hard. I don't always get a me time which I should've known there's no such thing as me time when u have a kid. If you argue taking a shit uninterupted is a me time well there's your me time but to me NO that's not a me time that's me doing my humanly business. I tried so haard to be excited of the day but the truth I dread it. I don't know if you can but I can't spend my time from 7 am to 7 pm playing kiddie toy and talking baby words, it's boring. So sometimes I let the kid watch TV or DVD or play with my phone then you got to read on Facebook from parenting experts the negative effects of children that got to spend time watching tv and gadget. I mean wth! It makes me questioning myself, my ability as a parent.
Some of you probably have sitter or grandparents to play or care with your kid but me, I did it all. An adult once said to me to not let my kid watch tv but I know for sure that person never have a taste of being a stay-at-home mom and have to deal with kid all day. Ooo please never talk if u never in my shoes or offer any help.

Being a tired stay-at-home mom affects your interaction with your spouse. Well, in my case it is. My husband always away for works and everytime he went home he just want to relax and have couple quality time. Little did he know that kind of quality time is a rare thing. He, too was faced with kiddo demand of attention and it took a lot of his time and energy so by the end of the day we were both tired and the first thing in my was bed and sleep. We talked about this how we unconsciously missing our younger age where less responsibilities less chores and more less and less. But then we got to remind each other that this is the new us. The new me. The new you. As a parents. A mother. A father.

When crazy, tired and bored stay-at-home mom phase hit me I will likely remembering my young wild and free me (though the wild me only a couple of people I allowed them to see 😄).  With less responsibilities less chores less cooking less crying more money more fun more free life. Till today I am still juggling how to balance of me as a mother a wife a partner and as myself which never easy but I hope someday I found the right formula that work for everybody but most of all work for me.

.cheers.

P.s. Don't get me wrong I love you both hubs and kiddo to the moon.. I won't trade you for anything well maybe for ice cream. 😛